on the road again, for a moment

so here i am in placencia, belize. its quiet and touristy and there's a wide white beach and palm trees and no sandflies. this is what i wanted my vacation to be like. instead, i find myself missing utila. i love being on the road though, in buses and boats and watching the countryside float by. there are things that you don't realize you miss until you've gone. i miss my dog. i'm worried that she's gonna cry and won't get walked enough and will have too many fleas when i get back. when i first got her, i didn't know if i would like her enough to keep her for good. she was shy and scared and seemed like she had no personality. but after the first two weeks, she started to come out of her shell. she plays now and makes cute funny noises and jumps around and play bites me and wags her tail when i come home. she loves me because i feed her and walk her and rub her tummy. now i wouldn't dream of giving her up.

the quiet here is creeping me out. there are too many old white people here. its too expensive. maybe we'll go somewhere else tomorrow. the jungle might be nice, although i totally didn't bring any clothes appropriate for that sort of thing. supposedly there's cave tubing which would be super fun. i love going into caves, and especially cave rivers, even though it scares the shit out of me. i want to cave dive someday. the more fear you add to an adventure the more satisfying it is when you've done it. cave diving seems like the ultimate. or maybe super deep tech diving although that doesn't hold as much allure. creatures of the deep ocean are incredibly fascinating, but i always imagined going down there to observe in a little submersible vehicle of some sort. haha.

i've always accepted the fact that, unlike past generations, i will have many careers in my life. i'm too torn by contradicting desires to think that i'll ever find just one thing to focus on for my entire life. i love the city life, and i love the natural world. i tried the city, and now i know i don't want that anymore. i don't think that the last ten years were a waste of time, persuing a career in photography, living the glamorous life (haha) in new york city. it was fun and exciting and i learned a lot about myself and the world. i feel grateful that i know without any doubts that that is not the life i want to lead anymore. i can focus on finding something new. diving was not something i'd ever thought about as a career or anything close. but it fits: i can travel, be close to the sea, and learn something first hand about marine biology. i can be close to the fishes, which up until a short while ago i'd only considered an outside interest but now think i should persue some kind of conservation study... somewhere done the line grad school in marine conservation biology is a distant goal. for now i'm quite happy persuing a "career" in diving. instructor in the next few months, whenever i can afford it, then going from there. hopefully seeing much more of the world in the next few years. my life is open, and its kind of exciting. i'm not in a hurry.

i'm not doing too badly on utila either. i had thought i would go home to my parent's house in california because rent is free and maybe i could save some money working back in the states. but it would take at least a month, maybe more, to find any job at home, and it would most likely be an unsatisfying job. so i may as well stay where i have a job (or two) that i enjoy, and even if i'm not earning that much, its not too bad now. its going to get busier as well, so i should be diving more often and maybe even making more at the bar. i made enough in the first week of feburary to pay my rent and then some. if i work at it, i could save a fair bit. i also want to at least take the efr instructor course and then i can teach that too. most instructors don't want to waste their time teaching that so it makes sense. and if i stay in utila through the end of april i can work through semana santa too, and thats supposed to be a crazy week.

but life is subject to change. like feelings, opinions, goals and dreams... its all wide open.

December, Utila

Island Livin' it up

 Sooo... I realize it has been quite a while. If anyone bothers to check this anymore I'd be surprised, but what the hell I'll try not to neglect this space so much in the future. For now, here's a link to my FB photos, hopefully it'll give somewhat of an idea of what life is like here. Obviously not so much the diving part as I don't have an underwater camera, but the rest of the day to day...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=95334&id=1407631058&l=c29a859dee

Its difficult to stop and reflect on what people outside of this experience would want to know. Getting sucked into a routine of sorts makes everything less fresh and new although no less amazing. I am thinking I'll be here for a few more months, so plenty of time to come up with something...

Infinite Arms

So, here I still am. In the naive plan making that was this trip I thought I would be on another continent by now. Next time I'm not buying a plane ticket. Next time I'm making no promises, not to anyone or myself. I'll go when I'm good and ready, thank you. Vaguely shaping in the future in front of my eyes I see returning to complete the journey I set out to, but whether that is the nearer or further future it's not apparent. Here are more possibilities than I ever could have dreamed. The shape of he master plan looks something like this, thus far: complete my dive master course, maybe stick around, maybe go to catch the flight I already booked out of Buenos Aires a few days before the Christmas holiday. As soon as I have enough money, leave for an undetermined location to find work diving (Asia, Australia, South Pacific, etc). Work til I want to leave and find the next destination. Travel, work, dive, live. What could be better? Careers can wait. Life can wait, but this is my life and it's finally real.

A Land Without Time

It's been awhile... I've lost track of any sense of time. Just mark the days by when people leave, what number dive tallied. It's not reality. Or maybe it's the only real thing and everything else is the false life. I'm almost sure it's the latter. Because if this wasn't real, what would be the point at all? I think I've been on this little island (Utila, Honduras) for nearly 3 weeks now. It seems like nothing, though the small aches of missing the people I started out with marks the time better than a calendar page. But this is a lull before the real work starts. I've completed my first two courses, the open water and advanced open water course, and just finished the emergency first response exam. Next will be the rescue diver course, log some more dives, then start traing for my dive master. Crazy but it should be great. Learning new job skills is never a bad thing.

P.S. Photos as soon as I have Internet that's not so slow!

Archive: 30 August 2010

There is nothing in the world quite like real, pure freedom. I can only hazard a guess at what those true explorers of the unknowns of this world have felt. What they lived and died and suffered for. The freedom to go into the unknown, alone, to discover something absolutely foreign. Well, I am not sure weather that experience exists on a certain level anymore, but the essence remains the same. Sure, I have always had the ability to make my own way, but there has always been structure to my life shaping the choices I've made. Had to find a job to afford the apartment to live where I wanted to. But traveling is different. Almost nearly true freedom to decide where I want to go and when. The only actual limiting factor is money, as usual. Time, well I've got the rest of my life. I have no commitments if I don't want to make any. Even the ones I chose now feel like binding chains. To float on the current is the best feeling. Now, I want it to last forever. My home is nowhere, and that's okay. 

All the bugs in the jungle want my blood

I left Antigua on Friday evening after my last class (sad). Took the overnight bus (9 hrs, plus approx 3 hrs in shuttles either end) to Flores and the Mayan ruins at Tikal. Probably not the best plan, but oh well, who needs sleep anyways. The ruins were impressive - limestone towers rising up out of the jungle, 70 meters high. It was hot, humid and filled with tourists but still a worthwhile visit. I took a guided tour, which was good but already I´ve forgotten most of the information but at least it was relavant at the time. Spent one night in the tiny island town of Flores, situated on a pretty lake in the nothern Peten region. The town wasn´t much but hotels and tourist shops and overpriced waterfront restaurants. I did get to stay at a hostel with a pet rabbit roaming around, so that was a plus. Sunday took a 7 hour shuttle to the town of Lanquin, where the famous aqua pools of Semuc Champey are located nearby. Unfortunately it rained a lot, so when we got to the pools on monday they were more of a mustard/mud color, but still nice for swimming and jumping into. Evidently this week is the anual festival celebrating the town or Lanquin, so we waded through crowds of people watching a parade of all the schools in the region, which was good fun except for having to walk against the tide and getting in everyone´s way. That was awkward. First we visited the Las Marias cave which was excelente; swam in the underground river with nothing but candles and a crazy spider monkey-like Guatemalteco for guidance. We waded through the murky water, scrambled up and down some sketchy ladders (while still keeping candles alight), ducked under a waterfall and got one little rock slide/jump in. Guatemala does not have the stringent safety requirements that we are used to (no hard hats or waivers here). Then we hiked to el Mirador to view the pools of Semuc Champey from above. A very worthwhile, albeit strenuous, hike. At some points it was more akin to rock climbing, and the trail was slick from all the rain. After sweating off a few pounds in the jungle climate, taking a dip in the cool water below was perfect. Even though the pools were muddied it was good fun. Our guide showed us all the best spots from which to jump/dive into the pool below. The day wouldn´t have been complete without a scenic ride in the back of a truck back to the hostel. I quite enjoyed it. The last few days have been spent doing a whole lot of nothing. Hammock, river, sun, get bit by unidentified bugs, hammock, eat, drink, climb through the window of the dorm after getting locked out, etc. I´ve been so busy I haven´t even been studying which was one of the main reasons I intended to stay here. But doing nothing just takes up so much time...

Subo el Volcan Pacaya

I visited the volcano that erupted in May. Before the eruption, the red rivers of molten lava were visible on the surface, but now it is only the cooled black lava rock. Steam and, in some places, sulfur vent up through the rocks on the lava field making it quite warm and humid. The peak was sheilded by clouds, giving no hint to the height or shape of the crater.

Sobre mas de Antigua

Las Capuchinas