the silence of the world

so i think i have been away from utila for almost two weeks now. that is the longest i have been off the island in the last eight months. its also the longest i have gone without diving in the last eight months. i was floating in a warm waterfall waterslide tiled spa pool last night, wishing for the silence of the ocean. diving is not silent in the way sitting on the bottom of a lake is. it is not even the hushed silence of the still dead of a country summer midnight. but it is an even silence of breathing: inhale, exhale. fill, empty. there are no voices filtering in overheard conversations and loud laughs and strange words. no roosters, no dogs, no motos on the road. just what thoughts can fill your head. contemplation, observation. if only we were built with gills.

costa rica is i suppose what i expected, though i hadn´t thought much about it before arriving on the side of the road in front of a little sign for monteverde. survived the worst ride of my life in the back of a pick up on top of no less than nine backpacks with four other people and a body board. bounced up and down a dirt mountain road for 35km, but the views were quite fantastic. one side the lago arenal, the other the golfo de nicoya and the nicoya peninsula. and i have never seen so many and such variety of mango trees, which for some reason i find really exciting. while we waited at our cross roads we coaxed a few ripe mangos from a tree. the only good one left got squished in the truck. arrived in monteverde thankful to be alive. costa rica was built for the self proclamed ecotourist. just because you´re careening through the treetops attached to a cable does not mean you are a part of the ecological salvation of said forest. but no matter how its branded, ziplining is insanely fun. i am beginning to realise i need adrenaline to feel human. the faster the better. unfortunately i also have a talent for injuring myself so i know that sooner or later those two friends will meet and i am not gonna like it. for now though, i will happily throw myself off high places and sail through forests and valleys on a string. i would go back to the tarzan swing every day if i could. (http://www.monteverdeextremo.com/canopy_tarzan.html)

the nature night walk was a rip off but most of these tours are. still did see a two toed sloth, an agouti, and a kinkajou. oh and the infamous cell phone frog. the canopy bridges were also not exactly worth the price, but nice to have actually seen some cloud forest. on to la fortuna, the most expensive town i´ve been in since i left the states. its like new york prices up in here. crazy. but la fortuna waterfall is lovely, and getting to stand behind the falls was really very cool. the four hundred stairs back up the trail was much less cool. hot spring spa with buffet dinner was well worth the money. dangerous waterslide? yes. 67 degree centigrade pool? yes, though completely unnecissary. and, hot pools with tile beds, of course.

so good to be out of my little bubble for a bit. it has really been a long time since i have had a real break from work. traveling is always amazing, and it has definitely been extra amazing to have good people to travel with. lucky that they are letting me tag along. and tomorrow, vamos a ver el rio pacuare!

the laws of bouyancy in practice

i realized yesterday that the thing i miss most, have always missed most no matter where i have been living, is my mother's kitchen. where everything is in its place and nothing is missing. a complete spice rack. proper appliances and utensils. it seems such a simple thing but it is a lifetime of preparation behind it.

when this was just a trip, just a travel plan and not a life, there were goals. many actually. there has so far been only one met; to acquire new and useful job skills/knowledge to help get closer to graduate school acceptance. i have not learned spanish to any real level. i have not written. i have barely taken photos. i hadn't even made it to more than two countries before this week. what a failure.

but here i sit in nicaragua, on vacation from so much work. it is desert and scrub and ocean waves breaking on dirty brown silt-sand. the sunset is the bright deep hue of burning brush fire. jesus stands sentry above the bay, palm held high against the winds as if to keep those rushing clouds at bay. silver and luminous he is watching you. this town is just another tourist trap. harbourside restaurants vie for your patronage and set tables on decks stretching over the packed sand towards the moored ships sheltering. they know you do not speak spanish. they know you don't know how much a taxi ride should cost. and i don't quite care. this is my vacation so fuck it high prices and fake smiles and all. let's go surfing and drinking and forget the rest of the world exists. spending days by the pool with a book and music and a beer is all i wanted. until i get bored then i will be ready to resume responsibility for myself my dog my life. i don't know what happened to that long  five plus months of travel vacation i had promised to myself. the cloak of life just slips on so easily, its an old friend just revamped in new shiny caribbean colors. trade the greys of new york city living for clear clean azures much more appealing but oh at some level its all the same. i am growing down not up. i am on the razor edge of running.