Home Is Where the ♥ Is

Redwood City, California. That is where I am now, and where I spent the first eighteen years of my life. Even when I went away to college, even when I stayed in Boston after graduating (making it six years away), I still considered this place home I suppose. My parents, my dog, my cat, my childhood house. I kept my California license and my voter registration. I returned every Christmas (and still do), and usually for a week every summer. I was just floating, unanchored. And that was okay. I planned to search the world for the perfect (or at least preferred) place to live. I got through a few places: England - very good; New Zealand - could be possible; Australia - probable; Italy - not so much; Hawaii - always figured I'd end up there for a bit; South America and Europe needed a revisit. But since forever I'd known that I would live in New York City. (If I had gotten accepted straight into NYU's photo program instead of some remedial art program I would have already been there, though I'm quite sure I wouldn't have been ready at that age.) But I'd stay just for a few years. I said two when I moved there at the end of the summer of 2007. And then it would be on with my quest...

The last two+ years have not been without their lows; the times I wondered what the hell I was doing in a crazy crowded city working all night, sleeping all day, running myself into the ground, losing so many friends to other cities... But the good times, and even just the in-betweens, were so much better than anything. I don't think I really fully realized how together I had my life until I broke it apart. No, I know I didn't. Finally, I had got it all right... and I could have continued down that path, with some changes yes, but I could glimpse something good coming.

And I don't know when I started feeling more there than here, but it dawned (literally) on me that I haven't felt that rooted in years. That I had my anchor on the ocean floor though the tide was pulling me west. I've been homesick since I boarded that plane. I'm homesick in my own home. But ahh, I'm sure some of this is the devil finding work for these idle hands. Right now they're ripping my heart in two.